A Mutated Christmas
by Lia-and-Randir
Summary: Christmas at Xavier's is boring...until some unexpected guests drop in. Rating just to be safe, and has pretty much nothing to do with Christmas.
1. A NonExpected Party

Lia: WER'E ON AN AFTER-CHRISTMAS HIGH!!!! AN AFTER-CHRISTMAS UPLOADING HIGH!!!! (begins singing Joy To The World' in elvish)  
  
Dart: Oh, f***. She got at the eggnog.  
  
A Mutated Christmas  
  
It was Christmas at the Xavier Institute. Nothing was happening. Nothing whatsoever. Which was weird, considering that no one had gone home for the holidays that year.  
Yes, everyone was bored out of their mutant minds. Everyone except Jean. But Jean doesn't count. Everyone hates Jean.   
They were so bored that they almost didn't notice when the door banged open. Professor X stopped the chess game he was playing against himself and wheeled over to the door.  
Standing there were a bunch of people. But Xavier only noticed the first one.  
he asked. What are you doing outside in the cold?  
The boy scratched his head and said, Who's Jamie? I'm not Jamie. I don't know a Jamie. Well, at least I THINK I don't know a Jamie - Mom did have a weird family so I might have a fifteenth cousin named Jamie but I doubt it because Jamie isn't a family name as far as I know but Mom IS a mortal so some of her relatives in France might have a kid named Jamie-  
A tall girl with long red hair clapped her hand over his mouth. Sorry, this is Tymko. He talks too much.  
The professor nodded. Perhaps you all should come inside.  
They all nodded gratefully and entered the mansion, where everyone stared at them. Guests weren't allowed, everyone knew that. Especially guests with pointy ears and medival weaponry.  
Excuse me? Xavier cleared his throat. We seem to have some unexpected guests. Please, tell us your names.  
The girl with long red hair stepped forward. I'm Lia.  
The boy who looked like Jamie ran in front of her. I'm Tymko, but everyone calls me Tymmy, but when they're mad they call me Tymko Mikali Tecca!' really loudly and it hurts my ears and they don't care and Dart whacks me over the hea-  
He was silenced by a boy that bore an uncanny resemblance to Legolas. Tymko. And I'm Annadan.  
Most of the girls in the room fainted or screamed, OMIGOD!!! ORLANDO BLOOM!!!  
A petite dark-haired girl glared at them. He's mine. M-Y-N. Mine. And I'm Randir. And I have EIGHT WHOPPING BRAIN CELLS!!!  
a boy with messy hair quipped. I'm Dart.  
I'm Haladin, a blonde girl quietly said.  
Hi, I'm Haleth, said another blonde.  
And, last but certainly not least, I'm Ariella, queen of the DragonFaeries, and I have no fla-  
The winged, 9-foot-tall girl who had been speaking keeled over backwards. Dart shrugged and quickly put away his quarterstaff.   
Annadan snickered.  
Okay, which one of you is the leader? asked Scott.  
All of the group immediately looked over at Lia, who grinned evilly.   
Miss, ah, Lia, how did you all get here?  
The girl was about to speak when the Jamie-clone butted in yet again. WELL, the dimensional portal backfired and we were all screaming really really loud and it was a lot like that scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where they're all on the boat and they all feel like they're gonna puke but then it stopped and we were in the middle of a city and Lia recognized it and said it was Bayville and she knew where there was a place to stay and-  
Dart interjected, two words. Shut. Up.  
The boy stuck out his tongue and began babbling again. Et Lia dit, On va a la maison du Professeur X,' et on va, et la maison est plus grande, et je dit Qui habitez ici?' et Lia répondez, Les étudiants du Professeur X et ses amis, Logan, Docteur McCoy, et Mademoiselle Ororo Munroe,' et Randir dit, Ils ont du Wite-Out?' et Annadan répondez, C'est possible,' et Randir dit, YAY!!!' et Randir est tres tres heureux-   
FIRMEZ TA PLUS GRANDE BOUCHE, TYMKO!!!! Lia exploded. The boy instantly fell silent.  
All the X-Men gave him clueless stares. Uhhh, what did he say?   
Lia shrugged. Don't ask me.   
Tymko smiled smugly. Ma mère, elle est français.  
All I know how to say is Shut your huge mouth, Tymko!' Lia explained.  
Une minute, said a voice from the shadows. Out stepped Gambit, who looked at Tymko with interest. Repetes, s'il te plait? he asked.  
everyone screamed.  
Fine, fine. But I atch'lly got what he said, so I'll be goin' now...?  
NO WAY!!! Everyone pulled him back by his trenchcoat. What did the kid say?  
Gambit took a deep breath, Word fo' word, t went sum'tin like dis:  
And Lia says, Let's go to Professor X's house, and we go, and the house is really big, and I say Who lives here? and Lia replies Professor X's students, and his friends Logan, Dr. McCoy, and Miss Ororo Munroe, and Randir says Do they have Wite-Out? and Annadan answers and Randir says and Randir is very very happy and-'  
Gambit had turned blue and his eyes were bugging out. Beast and Scott hauled him off to the infirmary.   
Tymko was shocked. How did he DO that? he asked.  
said Perfect Jean Grey, Mutants were born with a special kind of DNA called the X-Gene'. This gene allows people to have strange powers that may cause them to be hated and feared by normal hu-  
The chalkboard that magically appeared fell straight on Jean's head. Again, Dart put away his quarterstaff. Everyone looked around and started to cheer.  
Ding, dong, the bitch is dead, the bitch is dead, the bitch is dead. Ding, dong, the perfect bitch is dead! (Remember, my ever-observant readers, Scott was taking Gambit to the infirmary.)  
Like, wait, said Kitty, Like, where did Professor X, like, go?  
They all looked around, but the professor had disappeared. Again - repeat with me readers - DART PUT AWAY HIS QUARTERSTAFF. Good readers. Here, take a doggy treat.  
Apparantly, Storm and Logan were gone too. Dart's magical quarterstaff had been very busy.  
So all of ze adults are gone, Kurt noticed. Smart, Kurt. Real smart. Hey - I haff an idea...PAR-TAY!!!  
The new recruits, with the exception of Jamie, who was in the lab with Tymko, hacking into the Pentagon, began to jump up and down.  
Randir frowned. Wait a second-do you guys have Wite-Out?  
Forge probably does, Evan said thoughtfully.   
Forge fell through the ceiling and onto the chandelier. Oh, what's up?  
The little girl needs some Wite-Out, Evan told him.  
Randir fumed at being called little'. Forge nodded. Cool. Hold on just a   
sec- He pressed a button on a weird device he was holding, and a drawer opened in the space-time continuum. Yes, a drawer opened right there in the space-time continuum. Forge rummaged around for a bit, muttering Glue, rubber cement, hi-liters, paint, paper bags, bubble gum, M&M cookies, AHA!!! Wite-Out!!!  
He looked down at Randir and yelled, What brand?  
Randir thought hard, Liquid Paper. Yeah, Liquid Paper.  
Forge turned his right arm into a sort of extendable grabbing thing and handed Randir a small velvet-covered box. She opened it, and mystical light sparkled out. Ooh...pretty colors...  
Forge quickly grabbed the box away from her. Sorry, wrong box. Here. He handed her another box; this one was just plain black cardboard. And it contained a small bottle of Liquid Paper.  
Randir's eyes went wide. she yelled, **NOW** WE CAN PARTY!!!


	2. Kurt's Scheme

Lia- Because some of you ignorant mortals haven't read D.E. yet, here are some really quick stats on the characters you'll see in this story-  
**Lia**- ME!!! I have long red hair, green eyes, and insanity. I also have a halberd that I frequently use. Don't try to get in my way.  
**Randir**- My handmaiden, who has eight brain cells. Obsessive about Annadan and Legolas. Black hair and hazel eyes. Small and skinny. Hates being made fun of.  
**Haladin**- A human cleric. Polite, kind and quiet. Blonde hair and blue eyes. Hates violence of any kind.  
**Haleth**- A noble who likes to think of herself as a warrior (yeah, right). Long blonde hair and greyish eyes.  
**Ariella**- Queen of the Dracaire. Annoying and arrogant. 9 feet tall with 3-inch claws and wings. Everyone hates her, no matter how much she protests that she is perfect but not a Mary-Sue. Can conjure fireballs.  
**Annadan**- Randir's boyfriend. Looks scarily like Legolas, except with one brown eye and one blue eye. Archrival of Ariella. He's pretty cool, I guess.  
**Dart**- My boyfriend. Messy, dirty blond hair, brown eyes and freckles. Everyone he meets tells him he needs an attitude adjustment. Hates almost everyone, and has the MAGIC QUARTERSTAFF!!!  
**Tymko**- My page. Speaks fluent English, French, Spanish, German, Elven and Halfling, and he's only 12 years old. Obnoxious, but really funny.  
  
BACK TO THE STORY!!!  
  
It took a long time for all of them to decide on how to get Remy out of the infirmary but keep Beast and Scott locked in (after all, the Cajuns really know how to party). Tymko and Jamie, who had come out of the lab with blackened clothes and singed hair, suggested several ideas - the fake power outage, the Tymmy's speaking French again' method, the doctor', or to just knock something over.   
Finally Kurt got an idea after seeing Randir, who had gotten bored, making out with Annadan. he cried. Vot ve haff to do is...  
The Mission: Impossible theme suddenly started playing.  
  
All the others looked at each other. they said in unison.  
As I vos saying, vat ve haff to do is...  
Step 1- A huge blueprint of the Institute appeared on the wall. Ve put Jean, who is knocked out, zere. He pointed to a spot on the map. It's near ze infirmary, so Scott vill see and come screaming   
Lia nodded. Like X2. Except he just watched her die. That was one of my favorite parts.  
She was met with blank stares.   
Never mind.  
Step 2- Who can deesguise zeir voice really vell?  
Tymko began to jump up and down. ME!!! ME!!! PICK ME!!!  
Okay, Teemko. Teemko, do you know any Shakespeare?  
The boy shook his head. No, but Lia taught me a few stanzas of The Raven' once.  
Zen you vill reecite votever you know of ze Raven, and Herr McCoy vill be gone after you.  
Step 3-I vill port een vith Rogue.  
Rogue glared.   
Yes, mein seester, you. Beecause everyone knows you like Gambit.  
The goth turned bright red.  
You vill vake heem up, and I vill port out of zere.  
Step 4-I haff noticed that vun of ze visitors has a bow and arrows.  
Randir looked up.  
She vill tie some string onto 2 arrows, connecting zem. 1 of zem vill be attached to Teemko's shirt. Ze uzzer vill be attached to Jean's shirt.  
Zere vill also be a string tied to ze middle of ze first string. Annadan and Dart vill pull on ze string and-  
I have a better idea, Dart interrupted. Why don't you just port me down there, and let my MAGIC QUARTERSTAFF do the rest?  
Kurt blinked. 


End file.
